Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Trying times

Yesterday started another chapter of test for our family. Donovan's grandmother had to be taken to the ER because she wasn't eating and her complexion was as white as a sheet (which scared the daylights out of G). As of right now, we still don't know what's wrong and the MD's are still running test.

Yesterday, G went home for a few minutes to get herself back in balance and called me to let me know what was going on. After a few minutes on the phone, she emotionally crashed so J and I went over to G's house. She was able to get a little bit of a good cry in (which she needed to do) but then J came over to where we were with a very concerned look on his face and almost in tears because he could sense that memaw was crying. It just goes to show how attuned little ones can be to us adults.

For me, it was both very difficult to see G hurting like this but also a little relieved that she's finally starting to let the tears flow (as much as possible anyway). I made a comment to G that the house was getting to me (or at least the stuff in the house) and her response was "Well, it's all part of getting through it." She may still be at the beginning of grief but I've gone way past that. For me, it's a feeling of letting go and closing the book. It's not painful or done in vengeance (like trying to get back at Donovan for leaving me and the children) but it's a need to say goodbye and just start fresh.

Last night, I took down the wedding pictures that we had over the fireplace and put up a picture of R (it's a sideways closeup and beautiful picture) and when I asked R what she thought, she was grinning from ear to ear. For the two of us, this is like a release and closure. It's not done in sadness but rather happy. Much like when some of the dishes that we got when we got married starting cracking and chipping, R made the comment, "it's time to get new ones because those are old". R helped me pick out some new dishes and when they came in, she was grinning from ear to ear and happy (and so was I). It's time for some small changes in our home. I did go by a house that was up for sale and asked R what she thought. She had this terrified look on her face and a very sound "NO!" to go with it. So, small changes are a good thing and all done in baby steps.

More to follow.....

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