Monday, May 30, 2011

The empty chair

Last night, I got to watch a little bit of the National Memorial Day Concert put out by PBS and considering today is National Memorial Day, the pain of loss crept in just a little bit.

On Facebook, I have seen lots of thanks going out to our military and their family and to remember those who gave their lives for the sake of our nations freedom. One status that I saw went something along the lines of ..."while enjoying your time with your family, remember that there are those who have an empty chair". That spoke volumes to me.

Granted, we (as people) need to remember our fallen soldiers and their families. We also need to keep in mind those countless others that have lost loved ones (whether it was an expected loss or not). Yesterday, there was a birth of a little girl who now has a very proud uncle and there was also a family who lost a mother/wife/daughter and who was also very influential to a lot of college kids at Freed. Rather ironic isn't it?

More to follow....

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

"Dad's Day"

This morning, R saw an advertisement for Father's Day on TV. She then asked me if we were going to celebrate "Dad's day" to which I replied that we were and make it extra special for Papaw (Donovan's dad). She liked this idea and proceeded to get all excited about what she would get for Daddy and for Papaw. I simply smile and tend to the task at hand which is getting her ready for school and getting J fed.

The problem is, it brings back a painful reminder that Donovan will be missing another Father's Day with his children. He was sooo looking forward to J's arrival and had been coming up with middle names for J.... Names I didn't know about until several months later when K got on Donovan's computer. R and Donovan were getting very close too in Donovan's sharing his love of records and music with R.

Yes, it's very easy to slip into the questions that won't have any answers and it's ok to ask. The thing is not to get bogged down with the why's and change it to why not. Why not make things as easy and as fun as possible? Granted, it can be a struggle sometimes but, if I can be honest with myself and say, at the end of the day, "This was a good day and the next will be even better", it makes everything worthwhile. I know that God has something special for us down the road and that as long as we keep striving to follow His Word and His Will, it will all work out for the best (in spite of tears along the way).

My dad always tells me, at the end of each phone conversation to keep on keeping on and that what I intend to do. I owe that to God, Donovan, my children, and myself.

More to follow....

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Case closed

About 2 months ago, we got Chloe which has been a blessing except for one thing that we discovered (much to my surprise).

Chloe is a HUGE fan of climbing/jumping over the little white picket fence that's in the back yard (or darting out the front door if it's opened by anybody). This probably wouldn't be that big of a deal if there was someone besides me taking care of the kids and a dog but, Chloe is very fast and she's still learning the rules of the house (baby steps). Chloe also is very smart and knew when to get over the fence when the kids had me tending to them. So, I'd have to stop was I was doing, make sure J couldn't get into something (or get out himself) and go hunt down Chloe.

Last week, I finally decided to get an invisible fence (which does not give a shock if she gets too close - but rather like a message pull to the muscles). After a few days and understanding a very key word (HOT), she no longer gets out which means I can get back to being a full time mom. Much to my (and R's) relief. Case closed! :)

More to follow.....

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Still tears

Today is generally supposed to be a joyful, happy day but this morning, it was every thing but that.

There's an old saying that goes something like this: Three strikes and your out. This morning, I got my three strikes and I was out emotionally speaking. First up, it's Mother's day and I wouldn't have been a mom to two great children if it weren't for Donovan. Second strike was that K and Donovan always served on the Lord's table at the same time. Today, K was up in front and sitting with the other men who were going to serve. Third strike was when the song leader lead everyone in a song that was sung at Donovan's funeral.

Needless to say, I didn't get through the song but had to walk out in tears. There were some good out of this tho. First was that both of my children were good to stay with G and not run out (even though it would have been very easy for them to do so). Second was that I had a good shoulder to cry into and ladies that understood. Lastly, the tears didn't hurt as much as they had in the past. It didn't make me go down on my knees but it still hurt and sobbing but it wasn't as bad this time.

I know that no one will be able to take Donovan's place and that there will always be a part of me that will never be the same but, with God's strength, time, and wonderful friends and family to lean on.... There's always going to be sunshine down the road that we call grief.

More to follow....

Friday, May 6, 2011

A challenge of stitiches

Have you ever found yourself saying - Ok Lord, please help me get through today (or rather the next hour)??

I have done that constantly this week in dealing with J and his stitches in both hands. It may not be that big of a deal but, to try and keep a 2 yr old from either getting his hands infected somehow or busting the stitches on this thumbs is hard work. Like most 2 yr olds, J is very inquisitive and very hands on with everything (and doing it all with gusto too). The problem is that I've had to keep him in most of the time (instead of him doing what he loves - playing in the dirt) and limiting what he can do (either by painful experience or just common sense). He gave a hi-five last night and then whimpered because he put pressure on his hand the wrong way and came to me with a pout on his face and with the look in his eyes like - mommy fix it! Needless to say, I will be soooo thankful when Monday morning gets here and we can get those stitches out!

More to follow.....

Sunday, May 1, 2011


This past week has been a busy one at our house (especially for J). On Wed, had to take him to the MD because he sounded like he was coming down with the croup. Sure enough, he was and so he was started on steroids to knock that out.

On Thursday night, he had grabbed a small drinking glass (which he always does for supper). One minute, he had the glass. Then I heard it break on the ground and before I could get it, he decided to try and pick it up himself. Bad idea! Then started the wailing and deep cuts in both hands.

Mad rush to the ER (with R holding one of J's hands to keep pressure on it) and 5 stitches in the left hand, 3 stitches on the right and a very angry boy because he was being held down and given a shot in both hands. All in all, he did very well and didn't put up a fight. Especially with the MD who gave him the stitches. When he came in, J stopped crying and was just mesmerized by this tall guy with glasses. The MD made a comment about it and wondered by J seemed to fixed on him. I had to explain that J isn't around a lot of guys since Donovan's death so whenever he is, he becomes fascinated. Needless to say, the MD was kinda touched by this.

R, on the other hand, thought it was cool that she was going to see what stitches looked like (but proclaimed that she was VERY happy not to be receiving them herself). Since that adventure, J has been sporting the look of a boxer with bandages looking like boxing gloves and has become very good at just using his fingers that he can move (and yes, I'm proud of him for being such a trouper).

More to follow.....