Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Riding the roller coaster.

The last couple of days have been very difficult for me emotionally. I didn't realize how difficult until this morning.

This morning started off ok but by the time we got back home from R getting off to school, I was starting to crash and could not stop crying. Last night, I had started to tackel the back room where I found Donovan on the floor because R had made some comments that the floor needed to be cleaned (and it did!). So, I started making a dent on the clean floor space and was pretty much grinning from ear to ear. I was finally doing something that I had been dreading for a year and a half!

This morning, the mental images of seeing Donovan on the floor hit hard. It felt like a big overly stuffed blanket had been draped over me emotionally and I couldn't seem to shake it off. Had breakfast and felt a little better and then crashed again. I knew I needed to do something and get myself back in ballance. That and the fact that it's kinda hard to try and meet the needs of a 1 year old when you're physically shaking so hard that you can barely stand.

I called Dr. Walden and they had an opening for 9:30 and thankfully, Rachel (from church) was at home and she was willing to take James so I could do a neurotherapy session. 30 minutes later and I'm back to my old self and no more vivid, horrible pictures of Donovan on the floor. Even as I'm typing this, that mental image is still in my mind (and probably will always be there) but it is more of a picture of peace rather than blood and everything else. I finally feel like I'm able to breath clearer and think clearer so that I can help R. This afternoon, she had another emotional meltdown but then she goes off to swing and is happy being outside and in the sun. Next Monday, she'll have her neurotherapy session again as well so I'm hoping she can get emotionally ballanced again as well.

More to follow.......

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