Memories

After church service this morning, a small group of us went to the Roadhouse Texas restaraunt for lunch. The idea sounded good and I knew I just didn't want to go home and do the same-o same-o so, we went.

As soon as I got in the door, I knew I was going to have a rough time. One of the families (that went this time) had invited us out to the same restarunt a few years ago (when Donovan was still here) and those memories came flooding back and then the tears came. It wasn't the type of tears that made me go weak in the knees but it hurt. Another family (the Steven's) went this time as well and Mr Steve pointed out that I needed to go to the old places and then create new memories at the same places and J proceded to help me do just that (even though he wasn't aware of it). J is the type of little boy that doesn't meet a stranger and he's always got a smile for anybody who makes eye contact with him. So, the tears faded to grins and laughter thanks to a little one year old who may never know how much he means to a lot of people (and not just me and R).

I am thankful that God gave us the ability to have memories and hope that the painful one's will turn into positive ones eventually. Much like the service today. Case in point: Lord's supper. In the past, Donovan and K served the Lord's supper on the same day and at the same time. Today, K served alone and I couldn't help but remember that Donovan used to do that but it didn't make me cry to think about it. I'm sure it affected K somewhat because whenever something is on his mind (in relation to Donovan), it shows a little and K didn't want to hang around after services this morning either (usually they do).

Yesterday afternoon, R, J and I were over at K and G's house. The lawn people were cutting their yard and R made the comment that she remembered Donovan riding a lawnmower when she was little and that she wished he was back (she was saying all of this to K at the time). K made some comment and then left the room for a bit, came back and was trying to clear his throat and sniffles, and try to stay upbeat for R. The whole lawnmower scene didn't seem to bother R very much. She just had to say what she was thinking and get it out and I'm proud of her for doing so because it means that she's slowly healing and letting it go.

Sure, it's hard to get through sometimes. There are times that either R or myself just have to get out of the house and step back for awhile. Sometimes there's tears but eventually (hopfully) there's laughter to take it's place. You can't have a rainbow without going through the flood.

More to follow......