The day we headed back home to Searcy was tough in many aspects.
One thing was that K cried twice just before we left. I know it's very difficult for them sometimes to let go of the kids. They change soo much in such a short amount of time! J is developing his own little personality and sometimes, it's hilarious (case in point: Tonight, we learned that he is a comedian and will stop for a second or two and get himself into character - and he's going to be 3 next month!).
The other tough part happened the night before we left Texas. R was very upset that we were going back and didn't want to leave Memaw and Pawpaw. When I was tucking her in for the night, we had the following discussion.
R: I don't want to go back to Searcy (all said while in tears). Me: Why?? R: I want to stay and live with Memaw and Pawpaw. Me: Well, we have to be where Daddy is and Daddy's work is in Searcy. R: Well, when Daddy dies, can we move back to Texas? Me: (BIG HUGS) Sweetie, hopefully, that won't happen for a long, long time. You and J have a lot of fun with Daddy. Does Daddy make you feel happy? R: Yes (grinning). Me: Does Daddy make you feel safe and loved? R: Yes. He's funny too (some laughter coming up from both of us). Me: Did you like your school here in Texas? R: No! The teachers I had didn't like me very much. Me: Do you like the teachers in Searcy? R: Yes! My teachers like me and they help me! Me: Do you have lots of friends at school and at church and in our neighborhood? R: Yes! (she then started naming various friends that she's made in the last 4 months). Me: Do you think they would be happy or sad if you stayed here and didn't go back home with us? R: I would miss them but I miss my friends here too. Me: It's good to miss people we care about sometimes. R: Why?? Me: Because it shows them that we love and care about that and it makes our visits with them that much more special. R: (big grins)...OOOOOHhhhhhh! So, when can we come back? Me: I don't know. We'll have to look at the calender and see how things look. R: Ok (sighs) Mommy, I'm tired. Can I go to sleep now and keep growing? Me: Definitely! *hugs, kisses (but not too many kisses) and several good night's*
The whole part of her saying "when daddy dies, can we move back to Tx" make me cry for her. I told Jeff about it and he showed some concern for her (as well as for me). Both of us realized that she's still afraid of opening up completely to Jeff and that's ok. There is no set time to accept people and we don't want to make her feel that she HAS to like (or love) Jeff. The downside is that we can just pray she doesn't idealize Donovan to the point that Jeff will never be able to live up to those ideals (whether they are actual or not).
Each day, there's something that either one (or both) of the children are discovering about themselves, each other, Jeff, or me. We are all learning how to work as a team and doing so in a loving way. Sure, there are tough moments (what family doesn't have those... Right?) but, we get through them and become better people because of those moments. Live, laugh, love and the world will be a better place.
More to follow.....
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