New Year's Eve, Jeff and I managed to stay up and see the New Year in. The next evening was a wake up call for me.
R had woken up on New Year's Day and wanting some sort of party to celebrate the first day of the New Year (which she didn't get) but, we did spend time with our spiritual family which was wonderful. In the afternoon, I got the "brilliant" idea of having Jeff, R and I being able to sit down and talk about what we were most thankful for from the past year and what we look forward to and/or goals for the coming year.
Once we got J down for the night, we sat at the kitchen table and I started everything off in telling Jeff and R what I was most thankful for this past year and some goals that I have set for myself as well as what I would like to see implemented in the family in goals (ie: more organized, cleaner rooms, etc).
When it was R's turn, I asked her what she was most thankful for from this past year. She said "I don't know". We then talked about what she enjoyed the most over the past year and she brought up some good points. What hit me hard was that she didn't seem to be thankful for anything really. I then thought back to nights when R would be thankful for every single thing that she could think of and would have a long list when we had our night time prayer (this was back when Donovan was still alive).
I then realized that R and I haven't done our night time prayers like we used to. I felt bad about that realization. How are our children going to learn to be thankful to God for everything that He gives us if we don't teach them? I made up my mind that we were going to start back to the night time prayers again. So, right before bed, I asked R if she had had a good day (which we usually talk about every night anyway). Then I asked her what she was thankful for today. R: I don't know. Me: Well, we need to thank God for all the things we've been given and enjoy. R: Why? (after a few moments of silent prayer for the right words) Me: We say thank you whenever we're given something right? R: Yes. Me: Well, God probably likes to hear a thank you from us each day for everything that He gives us. R: Oh. Ok. Me: Ok, so what are you thankful for? R: My friends at school and at church, and Memaw and Papaw. Me: Ok, so do you want me to say the prayer or do you want to? R: You do it.
So, I said a short prayer but my heart kinda sank. After giving R a hug and kiss good-night, I told Jeff (in a nutshell) what was said and then explained that R used to go on and on with things that she was thankful for before Donovan's death. Once we got back home (from staying with K and G for about a month) I started the good-night prayers again but, her response was a very strong and resounding "NOTHING". I eventually stopped doing the good-night prayers and now felt like I had let her down. I felt like I hadn't been the kind of example that I should have been in my own prayer life for her to see for the last 2 years and now she came across as 'why even bother' type attitude.
Jeff and I talked about it for a while and I knew I had my work cut out for me. I was going to help her realize how blessed she really is. I realize that she still has a hard time wrapping her mind around everything that has happened in the last 3 years and that it's all going to take a lot of love and time. Sometimes, when people have their heads bowed down for so long, they forget to look up and appreciate the sunshine. I know she is much happier now that she has been the last two years and that it's going to take some time for her to get there completely. She has changed so much from 2008 to now and I know she will keep growing into a beautifully hearted young lady with lots of love and support from us, her family, and her friends.
More to follow.....
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