Hanging on to memories

Over the last few days, R has been talking about Donovan and how much she misses him. Tonight was a tough one to deal with.

I had just tucked her in for the night and I reminded her that Donovan's blanket had been sewn into the blanket that she sleeps with (which is a pretty big silk blanket) every night. She then asked me "When is Daddy coming back?" I told her that he wasn't. I asked her if she remembered when I took her to see where Donovan was buried and she said she did. I then told her that burying Donovan's body was it. The only time we will get to see Donovan again is when we get to heaven. She seemed to grasp that ok.

I then told her that Donovan's death was the reason why I married Jeff. I told her that I needed someone who was going to love me as much (if not more) than Donovan did and that Jeff felt the same way about me and about her and J. She grinned about this. Sometimes, it's sooo reassuring to know that someone loves you and will always be there for you..... No matter what. I know that it has got to be very tough for R to wrap her mind around everything. It's alot for adults to grasp and even harder for a 7 yr old to understand but, she doesn't focus and cry buckets about it like she used to. I don't know if she needs to just have a good cry again or not but, I do know that she hasn't woken up screaming in the sleep since we moved here and that she hasn't asked me to stay with her until she falls asleep either (except if it's storming outside). I also know that as she gets older and understands more that there will be more questions and I am thankful that she feels comfortable enough to talk to me about whatever is on her mind. I am also thankful for Jeff's steadfastness and understanding through it all as well.

I know that R is also trying to hang on to the memories that she has of Donovan and that she is also willing and able to make new one's (like both of the kids HAVING to get a last minute hug from Jeff before he left to go work at the prison and all three conveying their "I love you's!"). There may be some rough roads ahead but, God has always been there during the roughest times and He will be there still. I am blessed!