Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Trying to beat off the ache

So far this week, I've been trying to fight off something that is trying to pull me down. I'm not exactly sure if it's depression, anxiety, or just loneliness or all three. I'm fine as long as I stay busy (usually).

About an hour ago, I had Christmas music going and putting some decorations up around the house and about half way through, that sinking feeling comes creeping in. I hate it! It's almost like I'm torn between (literally) climbing the walls or just sitting down with a big floppy pillow and crying my heart out. But then, a second later, it's back to my old self and just enjoying the season. UGH!

Of course, the same thing is affecting R as well. She wants to be out doing something or going somewhere at night. She's also been wanting me to stay in her room as she falls asleep (every night) for the last two weeks) and complaining of nightmares.

So, I definitely have my work cut out for me but, at least it's not as bad as last year and definitely the year before that (which was unbearable). The director at GriefWorks makes the same comment every year around the holidays. The actual DAY isn't bad. It's the days leading up to THAT day when it gets a little tough. It's getting better as time goes on but, every once in a while, we have to go through a dark maze to enjoy the sunshine.

Onwards and upwards!

More to follow.....

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