Thursday, December 9, 2010

Getting back up

Yesterday was a crash course for me emotionally and mentally. So many times, you don't realize that you're starting to sink in quicksand before you are able to get out on your own. Yesterday, that realization hit full force yesterday afternoon.

Even a few weeks ago, I started noticing that my appetite still wasn't up to where it should be and was starting to loose weight (which is something I don't need to be doing). I had been sick with something like the flu for a few weeks but the appetite thing just kept hanging around. I was also noticing that I just had no ambition to get up and at em' in the mornings (even though I had gotten a pretty good night's sleep) and for the last couple of days, it's like every nerve was literally shaking (even though my hands are still). Panic attacks are like that and will only get worse until you do something to change it.

Yesterday, a good friend of mine was willing to take both of the kids so that I could go in and do a 25 minute session and get back in balance. I could tell that there were tears right under the surface and all it would take is someone or something to get the geyser going and that I didn't like feeling like I was either going to have to start climbing the walls (literally) or going for a long, long run and may not be coming back. I've been to that extreme before (shortly after Donovan's funeral) and knew I didn't want to get that low again so, better to be proactive now than have to later.

After the session, the tears had been let out and the heaviness had been lifted off. It's almost like you feel constantly giddy.. :) Today, I may have a little bit of that old stuff try to sneak back in (which is normal) but then the brain has been trained to get itself back into balance. Back to the ol me! :)

More to follow.....

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