This last Thursday, K, G, the kids, and I went to Baton Rouge to visit Donovan's grandpa (Everett), Jay (K's older brother) and Sue (K's sister) and her husband. K and G went in their own car and I drove with the kids.
J did pretty well for the first couple of hours and then we had to stop and let the kids get out and stretch and then get back on the road (which J fussed about having to be strapped back in). Thankfully, I also had a DVD player so that helped. Got to Baton Rouge around 6 and grabbed supper and then went to visit family. I tried to get J to go for about as long as I could and then headed to the motel and all the fun of trying to get them to sleep. Needless to say, J didn't sleep very well but R was out like a light and ready to go around 6 am Friday morning (ugh!)
Went over to Everett's and visited for the rest of the day. J slept in the pack-n-play in the morning for a little bit and then after lunch, R told me that she was ready to get some rest (shock!) so all three of us took a good, long nap.
Everett has a shop in the back of his house and a nice, big room to do whatever (which was full of tools). And of course, whatever R did, J had to do the same (or at least try very hard to and get frustrated if he physically couldn't do so).
The whole visit seemed a little bit on edge to me...For instance, when J found a lot of Everett's tools (screwdriver's) he proceeded to try and get as many of them down so he could play with them. The rest of K's family have fond memories of Donovan doing the same thing and told me that the remember Donovan and his tools. The thing is, they wouldn't mention Donovan's name. I'm not sure if it was because they weren't sure if I might fall apart at the mention of his name or because the kids were within ear shot. Maybe I'm just tooo perspective for my own good... ha ha!
Sue (unfortunately) has been in the same situation but her children were older than R and J when she lost her first husband. So it was encouraging to talk to her a little bit. I also got to talk to K a little bit and he's still grappling with Donovan's death and wanting answers for questions that will never be answered.
Lately, I've also come to realize that I am not defined by Donovan's passing either. Everyone has been influenced by tragedy or sadness and also joy at some point in their lives. The question is, does it define who you are or does the after-effect define you? I know that my family will never be the same again but I also know that everything works for God's glory and His purpose. With K and G, they are just trying to make it one day at a time and get through the fog of depression and loss. There's a time for that and a time to move on (which is where I and *in a way* R are now). The important thing is not to get "stuck" where you're at.
More to follow......
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