Sunday, August 15, 2010

One year older and no tears

Yesterday... I turned the ripe age of 36 (yippie!). The morning started off a bit rough. Just had the feeling of heaviness around my heart and knew that (deep in side) it would eventually be a good day but wish it didn't hurt so much and thankful that the sense of loss wasn't as intense as last year.

They say that the first year is the hardest to get through and they aren't kidding. It's horrible and not one you'd wish for anyone - regardless. This year was much, much better and even though the emptiness was there, it wasn't as profound and was actually fleeting (which is great!).

R spent the night at a friend's house (who has two little girls and a son who was born 2 weeks before J was) the night before so had to go pick her up.... The kids jumped out and shouted "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" and of course, R had to ask if her birthday was next (even if it's not until December). Then we went to meet up with K and G over at IHOP for brunch and realizing that the only parking left was for the next store's parking lot! Still managed to get a table and the kids got a neat treat... They had a lady there doing balloon animals... R got a pink poodle and J got a blue monkey (both of which are still intact - only because I hid them from J)... Ha!

Then we went over to K and G's house for cake. It was difficult to be over there since I could sense the depression from K and the brave front from G. And of course the heaviness for me came back but it was soon turned to giggles. Once R and J had their chocolate cake with chocolate icing, they were raring to go and proceed to chase each other around the house and then there was a time of hid n seek. K went off to be in his own thoughts and even if J would walk over to him and try to get him involved, K didn't move. I hurt for them and so thankful that God has a way of healing and providing help when we need it most. I know I can't go through their loss with them in the same sense that they do... I can only encourage them to do the right thing(s) to get through and become even stronger. I can only pray that they do.

Got home and J crashed and took a good long nap. R was still running on fumes (or rather, chocolate!) and wouldn't settle down... Got some household stuff done, and then get supper on.

Finally time for the kids to go to bed J went down giggling and talking to himself and it took R about 45 minutes before she was finally ready to go to sleep (whew!)

More to follow.......

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