Friday, April 30, 2010

Why me?!?

Yesterday morning, I had one of my “Why me!?!” moments. R had slept in a little bit because Wednesday nights are sooo busy for her. She loves playing with her friends at church and they are all very good buddies. So, when I had to go in and wake her up, she wasn’t a very happy camper. J woke up a few minutes before I had to get her up and was ready for breakfast number 1. In essence, Thursday morning just started off wrong. Ever had one of those days when everything seems to start off on the wrong side of the bed? That was the start of yesterday.

By the time that R needed to be ready to go to school, I was mentally looking to heaven and yelling, Why me! Why now! Of course, there is never a reply to these silent questions (at least, not verbally). Once R was safely at school and J was finally down for an AM nap, I was able to slow down and take stock of where I was at mentally and emotionally. I thought about why I was still here and Donovan wasn’t. Why I didn’t miscarry with J and why I’m still saine and still here.

The first thing that came to mind was Job. He had to probably have those thoughts as well. He lost everything he owned, his children, and his health (up to a point). He also had some not so encouraging friends. So, who was I to complain? Simple. I’m human and even as 2 and 3 yr olds start to question why all the time, we never grow out of that need to know and have some sort of explanation given to us. Job wanted to have a Q & A with God and boy did he get an ear full! In a nutshell, he was told (and I’m paraphrasing here) Who are you to question me? The same question applies to me now.

Too many times, we get caught up in what I want, how do I get it, or when am I going to get what I want. I know that some questions that I have will never be answered this side of heaven and I have to learn to be content with just that and keep going.

Job was blessed twice over because he didn’t turn his back on God. He didn’t know (or at least the Bible doesn’t tell us) that would take place. I don’t know if all my prayers will be answered in my lifetime but I can hope and pray that they will be. I know that I have one thing that Job didn’t have and that is a wonderful (and growing) group of Christian friends and family that are both encouraging and uplifting to me and I couldn’t have asked for more than that.

More to follow…..

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