Playing the what if game

Ok. Let me start out by asking a very simple question. How many times have I played the "what if" game in my head over the last year and half? Answer, at least a million times and I'm sure if everyone was honest with themselves, it would probably be the same answer.

What if I had done this or that. What if I had said this or that. What if I had been up at that time. What if it hadn't been R's birthday the next day. The list could go on and on. Through this whole journey, I've learned a very valuable lession from R. Don't play the what if game! She doesn't come up and ask me questions about this either because she's too young to do so or she just knows that losing her daddy was something beyond her control and not something that she could have done anything about.

When the shock wore off for me, I sliped into the "what if's" (which is very easy to do) and later realized that it was part of a way for depression to work it's way in. We as adults always want to have complete "control" of our every day life right? Reality check here! God is the only one that has complete control. We are just here to show others Him, do His Will, and live our lives the best God-centered way that we can.

Then the question comes up of "Why did God allow this to happen to me?" One thing that I was constantly reminded of at the very beginning was Job. He went through much more than I and wasn't aware of the whole discussion that took place in heaven between God and Satan. Sure, it was during old testament times but that doesn't mean that it isn't relevant today. Satan is still at work on us and, like Job, we don't see or hear what's going on "upstairs" (so to speak).

Last night, we went to Grief Works which is sponsored by the church and has helped R tremendously in that she's able to see that there are other kids that have experienced a huge loss in their lives (grandparent, brother, sister, mom, dad ,ect). She knows that she's not the only one that's been hurt so the kids are able to talk more freely to each other about what they're going through because there's a relationship. On the way home, R was asking why we can't see God or heaven. The best answer I could give her was that God is everywhere and sees everything and knows everything (thought's, feelings, how many hairs you have on your head *which she thought was amazing*, etc) but we can't see Him. Her mind couldnt' wrap around that very easily so I tried the idea that you can feel air and you know it's there but you can't see it. She then asked the same type of question about heaven and why we can't just go there, see whoever we want to see and then come back to earth. I then had to remind her that when the heart stops beating, the brain, lungs and everything else doesn't work either and the body dies but the soul goes to God who gave it to us to begin with. R then asked me if there were unicorns in heaven. For the sake of a long talk that probably wouldn't make any sense to her, I told her yes and that she could read about what heaven looks like in the Bible. That all seemed to satisify her for the time being but I'm sure there will be more talks as times goes on.
It's hard to try and explain some things to a 6 yr old so if anybody has some ideas or suggtions, I'm all ears! :)
More to follow.....