Monday, September 6, 2010

One down, two more to go.... I think.

Last night was a HUGE hurtle for me emotionally and physically.

Almost every weekend for the almost 8 years that we were married, Donovan and I did Movie night. For the first three years of our marriage, it was every weekend and something we both enjoyed. After R was born, it was a bit of challenge at the beginning (like most new parents) but very doable. One week, it would be my pick. Next week, his pick.

For the last (almost) 2 years, I couldn't bring myself to watch a movie... at night... in our room (much less just trying to watch TV in general was trying). Thankfully, some friends of mine were upgrading their bed to a king so, I bought their queen. Major difference! Slowly, I started making myself watch a little bit of TV before going to sleep (even if it was for a mere 5 minutes).... If you're like me, by the time it's nice and quiet, you discover how worn out you really are... Ha!

Well, yesterday afternoon I started the miniseries of "Pride and Prejudice" which is put out by BBC and about as close to the book as possible (I think). I was able to get through the 1st disc (almost) and then had to wait to finish after church and getting the kids down for the night.

I knew I probably shouldn't finish the whole 2nd disc if I wanted to get a good, solid night's sleep in but, when you've got a good story, you can't always walk away from it (even when you know what the ending is going to be because you've watched so many times before).

About the part where Darcy finally tells Elisabeth how he feels about her, that old emptiness came creeping back on me but, it only lasted for a few seconds and by the end of the movie, the emptiness was gone. Although I will admit that it was a bit hard not to reach across to the other side of the bed and notice the vacancy. But no tears came and I was able to fall asleep (thanks to some soft classic music) and grin and say a little prayer of thanks to God for helping me get past the one thing that I had been dreading but knew I needed to do.

Over the past year and a half (actually a little over that), I've learned that God doesn't necessarily remove things that are difficult for us but rather gives us the strength (ever so slightly sometimes) to get through it when the time is right.

More to follow.....

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