Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Silence is golden... Or is it?

One thing that stood out for me, during our visit with K and G during the Christmas holidays is that the house was never quiet. Sure, there's a total of 7 people in the house (and 3 of them under the age of 10) but, even if the kids are quiet (or asleep) the house was never completely quiet. Why? Simple. The TV was always on. One afternoon, I turned the living room TV off. I then made a comment to K of "Silence doesn't kill." He responded by half chuckling and then saying "Sometimes". I understand where he's coming from because I used to be like that. Shortly after Donovan died, I couldn't stand to be in a quiet house. It was too surreal and made reality hit even harder. I didn't like reality hits. That heaping does of reality hurt sometimes, almost to the point of being unbearable. As much as I didn't like it, reality hit anyway and then you learn to roll thru the waves or go for help when it gets to be too much. THAT is when silence comes in. It's soothing. It's peaceful and comforting. It's like a nice, warm, comfy blanket that doesn't make you feel smothered. Silence is also very difficult to face. Like with K and G, they've come a long way in letting their son go and being at peace with everything that happened. Sure, there are still a lot of questions that will never be answered this side of heaven. There are (and will be) some tough bridges to cross as the children grow up. The toughest thing is looking at yourself (without the world's noise blaring in your ears) and enjoying the silence (and presence of the Almighty). Being ok with who you are as a person and being ok with unanswered questions. Being ok with not having instant gratification or entertainment in order to feel happy. In grief, as in life, this is a must. It's difficult to accomplish and it is a constant work in progress. However, it is soo worth it. So, where are you at? Do you fall asleep with the TV (and sound) on or, do you savor the silence when you can or, are you still a work in progress (like myself) :). More to follow.....

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