Friday, January 2, 2015

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and new beginnings on the horizon

This Christmas, as we've done for the last 3 years, was spent at K and G's house. The trip as a whole was pretty good. Granted, we could have done without AR deciding that Dec. 20th would be the day for some major construction on major interstates but on the whole, not too bad. I have to say that I was surprised by K and G. G has started the purging process and I'm proud of her for this.... It takes a lot of mental and emotional work (eg: getting yourself in balance) to get to this point (and it's not easy. I can only imagine how tough it was for them because not only did they have to clear out stuff from things that they saved from Donovan's and my home but also from Everett's stuff (K's dad who passed in '10 - I think) and also Jay's things (K's brother who passed in '13). They cleaned out their "storage room" so that L could have his own space to sleep (and not wake up the other two and vice verse). G said she even found stuff from her teaching days that she was surprised she still had! In the grieving journey, purging is like doing spring cleaning in the mind except it's tied to physical things. You reach the point that the physical stuff doesn't matter that much anymore. Granted, there are some things that are handed down and you want to save those things for your children and grandchildren. Most people want to be surrounded (or stay) in their home that they accumulated stuff with their loved one because it's comforting. Then those things become like a controlling agent. You can't control when death comes so, you hang on to things as if you could control the loss. Then, (and this is the hardest part to get to) you get to the point that you don't want that stuff around you any more. It's not a part of your life or who you are so, you let it go. You let go of control (that you really didn't have to begin with). G has gotten to this point. K kinda has but I think he's gone along with it because that's what G wants (that and he want's his own space that he can actually sit at his computer when he needs to). Once everyone had settled in, things were good. K and G are more open and accepting of Jeff and R's Christmas to him confirmed everything as far as the 5 of us are concerned. Jeff is Daddy. Plain and simple. This hasn't been easy for R either. She has had mental and emotional walls that she's built up because of fear of loosing what she loves most again. Now, she has a genuine laughter and she can dish it right back to Jeff (or even beat him to the punch sometimes). She knows she is safe and she's not afraid to say she loves him or run up and give him a hug. There will still be some rough roads ahead (as for everyone) but, she's come a long way and it's wonderful watching her bloom. More to follow....

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