"Best day of my life"

This week, we had a bit of a celebration in our house. R got a medal and a certificate for being on the A, B honor roll this year. The school had a reception for the students in 3rd grade who made either all A's or AB honor roll. They had video clips of the students and what they liked the most about their school/teacher(s) and what they will miss the most in moving forward in the fall. The video's were cute and moving at times and R was proud to see a video of herself. They also had each student go forward and receive their medal and certificate in this accomplishment and say thank you to their teacher(s). After R got back from getting her's, she said "This is the best day of my life!" I haven't seen her so excited and happy about something in a while so, it was a nice change. Things have been a bit crazy around our house since we started having a neighborhood kid coming to play. This little girl is in R's grade but is 10 yrs old and hasn't had it very easy at home. I'll call her T. T's mom has a live-in boyfriend and (I think) they are trying to make it as a couple and as parents (without being married) and they have caught on that T lies about everything as easily as she does breathing. T goes to be with her dad every other weekend in Tx (somewhere) and the live-in boyfriend of her mom's also has a daughter (which, understandably causes friction from T). T is very needy and would love to be anywhere else than at home. Lately, she has taken on some behaviors that have been unsettling for Jeff and I. T knows about us loosing Donovan and lately, she's been acting (and talking) about either loosening a grandfather (somehow a rock he gave her made its way at M's house and in M's driveway) or a friend who passed away recently. When T does this kind of talking, she puts on the big show of crocodile tears and acts all sad and such. Granted, she doesn't do this show at our home but, she does it over at M's and it causes R to become very quiet and go into a shell of course. Jeff has suggested that we (and M's mom) talk things out with T's mom so that she knows what's going on and then figure out how to teach T that this behavior isn't acceptable. I don't want to come down on T so hard that we aren't able to show her what true friendship and loving God is all about (she goes to Bible class with us on Wednesday nights). Any suggestions? Anywho, R has been wearing her medal *almost* everywhere she goes. It's a true testament of how far she's come and how hard the teacher(s) have worked to get her to where she needed to be. More to follow.....

Stability

I haven't posted anything in soo long! Sorry about that. The latest (and greatest) news involves R. :) Yesterday afternoon, Jeff and I had a conference with R's teacher, math teacher, and speech therapist. We came in and one of the first things the therapist told us was that she was going to go slow since it was obvious that both of us are running on very little sleep. This has been a HUGE challenge in our home for several reasons. One is that L is teething (he has managed to get one tooth out so far and working on more) and that cuts into his sleep. I'm just thankful that they only go thru this painful ordeal once and don't remember anything later. The other challenge is that J hasn't been sleeping through the night every night either. It's almost like he and L have this unknown code between them that if one does sleep thru the night, the other will wake up at 1, 2, or 3 am and cry about something (ie: growing pains, wet the bed, bad dream, etc)... One of these days, we WILL get a full week of uninterrupted sleep! Anywho, R's therapist said that all of the teachers have agreed that they don't think R needs special assistance anymore. This means that, next year, she won't be pulled out of her class for speech therapy, counseling, or small group math class. This is a huge accomplishment for her. When she was test last year, she was struggling to put a whole sentence together that made sense (ie: given the beginning of a sentence and then asked to finish it) and she stuttered a lot. The stuttering made it really frustrating for her in trying to get out what she wanted to say. She still does stutter a little (especially when she's really excited about something) but she kinda stops to think about what she's going to say next. One thing that the teachers said that really hit home for me is that R is much more confident about herself. She's happy and willing to work hard at whatever task she's given. It will take her a while to figure things out but, she tries hard and it's paying off. They also said that a large part of her self confidence is because there's stability at home. If Jeff and I hadn't met and married, that stability would still be off track, even now. The fact that Jeff had been able to be at home in the mornings and take her to school and then be able to pick her up (or walk her home) in the afternoons made a big difference. She is finally coming out of her shell more and it's beautiful to watch. Sometime last year, R asked me "When this daddy dies, are we going to move back to Dallas?" That question hit hard for Jeff and I both. After I told her that I wasn't planning on that happening for a long, long time from now, she seemed more willing to let her guard down a bit. Jeff has been awesome in taking the time to reach out to all 3 of the children and to answer R's questions. Case in point: We have a neighbor who lives catercorner to us. They have a daughter who is in 1st grade (I'll call her M) and she and R have been two peas in a pod since we moved her. They HAVE to see each other at least once a day (even if it's only for 15 - 30 minutes). Last year, M lost her Grammy to cancer. Grammy used to keep M whenever M's mom had to be out during the evening. Last week, M's mom had to go to be gone for about an hour and a half and we had both girls over and playing in the back yard. They (and J) get along great and everything was fine until about the last 30 minutes or so. M started getting homesick and missing her grammy. She hurt her finger somehow and that started the tears. It also got R to missing Donovan. They cried together, M's mom came home and M went home and R came in sobbing hard (right at the same time of feeding L). Got L down to play, Jeff and I got R to her room and let her cry and talk it out. Once the tears had dried up, R started asking the hard questions that we adults have a hard time with (ie: Can he see me? Why can't I see him? When am I going to see him? How can he see me in heaven? etc). Jeff made things simple enough that she was happy with the answers. Then, back to the normal routine of supper, homework, etc. I am so thankful that R feels comfortable enough to ask Jeff those tough questions. I am also thankful that the teachers at Sidney Deener Elementary School are willing to take students from where they are to where they need to be academically. Blessed. More to follow...

Seeing a casket...

Yesterday, R and I were driving home from the store when we passed by a cemetery. At that exact moment, there were a group of guys starting to carry a casket to the grave site. This, obviously, got R's attention. She seen a casket before but, it was from the very back of the auditorium and we had emphasized that it was a celebration of life and not a funeral. So, upon seeing the guys with the casket, R begins to ask questions such as, why are they doing that, what happens to the body, and finally, what is a soul. Sometimes, children can really put you on the spot with their questions. During the whole conversation, R never mentioned Donovan or anything related to his death. Her conclusion was simple. "I don't want to go to dust, Mom". Oh the simplicity! :) More to follow....

A month of sickness (actually two)

I haven't written much over the last month or so because our whole family (or at least 3 at any given time) have been sick (yick!). Mostly, it has been both of the boys and either me or Jeff that catch something. R has escaped most of whatever is going around ( or managed to hide it well enough so that she can still go to school - which she HATES to miss). This whole sickness ordeal has been kinda frustrating for Jeff in that, he usually only gets sick (maybe) once a year. Since he now has a rather large family, he's been sick more times than he can remember. LOL. But, at least the family that shares together, stays together. More to follow....

A little difficult this year...

There's an old saying that (in dealing with grief) the actual day is not near as difficult as the days leading up to it. This year, that saying proved very true for me. In the past, the days leading up to J's birthday didn't bother me very much. This year, for whatever reason, it did. This year, Super Bowl Sunday was difficult. I kept having flashbacks of the night before I was admitted to be induced in having J. At that time, everything was unraveling for me. It was like my brain was split in half. One side wanting to run into light poles just to escape the pain and uncertainty of bringing that baby into the world with out his father being there, and the other half saying Stick it out! It will all be ok. The Lord was definitely looking out for me that night. Most of the young families at the congregation where I was going to were having all the ladies (and kids) meeting at one house and all the guys at another house to watch the game. I had never been to the house that the girls were meeting at so, I had to follow someone. In doing so, I stayed in my lane instead of veering off and hitting a light pole instead (and no, there wasn't a warning that this kind of break down was going to happen - it just did). Had some fun and was able to talk to a fellow social worker (Thank you Velvet!) and then able to get home (again, following someone's tail lights). This last Sunday, those memories and feelings came flooding back and I actually felt panicky. Jeff and I watched the last half of the game and all the jumbled thoughts in my head calmed down. Yesterday was rough as well. I told Jeff that all I really wanted to do was curl up in a ball someplace and just cry it all out. Sad about what was lost and over thinking about the future. Knowing that J will never know who is father was and worried about how we are going to react (and talk out) when he discovers that (and ask) why his last name is different than ours. I understand and respect the wishes of K in having R and J keep their last name. With R, it's not going to matter as much since (hopefully) one day her last name will change anyway but J... he's the last Spear of the family. That's a lot to ask of a little boy who doesn't have any comprehension of what a legacy is. Thankfully, Jeff and I were able to talk it out last night in helping me work out my "what if's" and then gently reminding me that we'll deal with it when we get to that point. It's sooo easy to play the what if game and then easily get depressed by things that haven't (or may never) happened yet. That is when the verse "put all your cares on God for He cares for you" comes in. It's easy to say and sometimes very, very difficult to do. More to follow....

The suprise

Last week, I asked Jeff what he thought of having a combined birthday party for him and for James since they both "almost" have a birthday in the same week. Jeff was all for it so, we figured out when (the 1st) and who we wanted to our first ever party at the house and started getting things set up... Or at least somewhat set up. At the time of the party, we still had a lot of empty boxes close to the back door (which Jeff will be using to get his stuff out of his old house), boxes in the hallway, and a corner full of boxes in our room. One day, we will be box free! Anywho, when R came home from school yesterday, and became really excited. She told me she had a surprise for Daddy but not to tell him. She told me that she had made him something but didn't show me what it was.... It was to be a surprise. She then helped Jeff get the carport cleaned up and set up for some BBQ (which turned out delish!) and waited anxiously for everyone to show up. In all, we had 19 people in the house and it was sooo relaxing and fun to just hear and watch everyone in the den and then in the dinning room. When there was only one family left, R decided to bring out her surprise. It was soo sweet to watch Jeff's reaction and also the other family's reaction. You see, she did all of this on her own. I knew that she got tickets for good behavior and grades from their teacher that they can then use for prizes. R must have saved up quite a few to get the candy and I have no idea when she made the card (but I'm guessing it was while at school). This was HUGE from her. She doesn't show emotions very often (ie: hugs, holding hands, etc) or even saying "I love you" very often either. Of course, this just made Jeff's day and got him wrapped around her little pinkie even more (of course, she has had him wrapped around her pinkie from the beginning but he wouldn't let her know that). Later that night, Jeff asked me what K and G would have thought if they had seen the card. I'm not sure what their response would have been. They probably would have thought it was sweet and give R praises for it but, as to what they really thought, not too sure. They are still very guarded about their emotions (K especially) but, their eyes usually git it away. Overall, it's been a good way to start off the month. :) More to follow.....

Donuts with Dad

Yesterday morning.... Jeff and R had "Donuts with Dad" at R's school (30 minutes before school started). For several weeks before this event, R kept checking to make sure if Jeff was going to be going. Each time, he assured her that he would be there. The thing that R didn't know is that Jeff didn't get much sleep the night before. He woke up at 3 something and didn't go back to sleep (he had gotten up to feed L the night before and was up with him from about 1 to 4 AM - resulting in his biological clock being WAY off wack). Anywho, R was sooo excited to have donuts with her Dad at her school that morning. Jeff may have been blurry eyed but, it made a HUGE difference for R. She was bragging to the other students about her Daddy. Jeff also said that there were several other dad's there. Glad to see that other parents take the time to spend some quality time with their children. They are laying the foundation for their children and their futures (even when being sleep deprived). Thank you Jeff for being the awesome man, husband, and father that you are. I love you! More to follow....