Donuts with Dad

Yesterday morning.... Jeff and R had "Donuts with Dad" at R's school (30 minutes before school started). For several weeks before this event, R kept checking to make sure if Jeff was going to be going. Each time, he assured her that he would be there. The thing that R didn't know is that Jeff didn't get much sleep the night before. He woke up at 3 something and didn't go back to sleep (he had gotten up to feed L the night before and was up with him from about 1 to 4 AM - resulting in his biological clock being WAY off wack). Anywho, R was sooo excited to have donuts with her Dad at her school that morning. Jeff may have been blurry eyed but, it made a HUGE difference for R. She was bragging to the other students about her Daddy. Jeff also said that there were several other dad's there. Glad to see that other parents take the time to spend some quality time with their children. They are laying the foundation for their children and their futures (even when being sleep deprived). Thank you Jeff for being the awesome man, husband, and father that you are. I love you! More to follow....

Digging out

First of all, I need to apologize for not posting sooner. Things have been very busy for us but, thankfully, it's getting back into some sort of routine (just ready for this bug to leave me alone). The last week or so, R has been wanting to sleep with Jeff's "blanket" which is actually a tarp from his Marine days. This has left him wondering if she is slowing digging out of the wall she's built up in not allowing herself to get too close to Jeff in fear of losing a dad again. She will occasionally grab his hand whenever they walk back from school but the only hugs she gives out are to Lex. She has also asked Jeff to go to a school function of "Donuts with Dad" at the end of this month at school. Hopefully, he can go (even if it is super early in the morning for him). We did go to K and G's for Christmas/ R's b-day. I've noticed that every time we go down, K's coloration in his face changes to pale but eventually goes back to normal. It's like each year of Donovan's passing date is very difficult for both of them but, they put on the brave front and smile like it's all ok. This visit tho, there is/was something wrong with K. His hands had swollen to twice their size and his left arm would go from tingling sensation to numb and then back to normal. I told K before we left that he needed to get blood work done to get things checked out. He did and still don't know what's wrong (even tho his hands have gone somewhat back to normal). They still have the tingling/ numbness sensation so, waiting to see a specialized MD so, prayers would be appreciated on their behalf. As for me, this time wasn't difficult. I thought of Donovan briefly and knew he would have maybe enjoyed the festivities and be proud of R and J. More to follow.....

Flashbacks

This last weekend, we made a trip to AL. This was a good trip overall but, the reason for the trip wasn't pleasant at all. Jeff has a church family that (in all aspects) is family. They were there for him during the times that he needed family the most. He may have been the only peanut in the chocolate fudge but, as his "brother" put it, Jeff was his brother...from another mother. :) That being said, he keeps in contact with a lot of people via facebook. Unfortunately, he also found out that one of the sisters in the congregation was brutally murdered last week so, after making several phone calls, we made the decision to drive to AL to be with the church family there on Sunday. This was not going to be an easy feat... Not only did it mean that Jeff and I were going to be pulling an all-nighter to get things packed up for the family to leave out at 2AM but also the emotional bomb that went off for both of us. The news of having a dear, sweet, God-fearing, always trusting sister to be taken advantage of and then murdered shook Jeff down to the core. It hurts when you see another in emotional pain. It also brought back very vivid memories for me as well. Mental images I wish I could erase but knowing that will never happen. You see, EVERYTHING we experience with our senses (sight, taste, touch, smell, and hear) gets filed away in our memories (whether it's pleasant or not). When I initially thought about those individuals (whoever they were) who went to go check on their "sister" because they hadn't heard (or seen) her for a few days. Only to find a mess in her apartment, it made me sick to my stomach. It brought back the mental and emotional memories of the night that Donovan had his accident and I found him on the floor unconscious but still breathing. The memories of the police, EMS, and fire departments flooding the house and trying to help came flooding back like a ton of bricks. I cried.... hard. Thankfully, Jeff was there to hold and cry along with me as I was there to hold and cry along with him. Those tears were necessary and they had to flow. Emotions weren't meant to be bottled up. They are meant to be shared, understood, and let out. The more we try to stuff our emotions down and bottle it up, the more harm we do to ourselves (and possibly others). This doesn't mean that we can (or should) erupt like Mount St. Helens and just let our anger or bitterness fly as it may. Adults aren't suppose to act like three year olds. Ok... Sorry, soap box.. Ha! :) Anywho, we made it to Southside Church of Christ (with kids in tow) with 15 minutes to spare (barely enough time for Jeff to just shut his eyes and relax for a few - he drove the whole way). The AM service is both edifying and uplifting. I now know why Jeff loves this congregation soo much.... In the midst of tragedy, they let their light for God shine and it is beautiful to see (and hear). We were blessed to be a part of that worship time. It was also good for Jeff to be able to sing with the guys once again. :) The trip may have been emotionally rough but, I'm glad we were able to go and spend time with this family. Satan can (and will) try his hardest to pounce people down but God gave us His strength, His Word, and His body (the church) to overcome whatever Satan throws at us. Just got to keep going on in Him. More to follow....

A Season of First...

I haven't posted on here in quite a while and, for those of you who know me and my family, there's a good reason for the silence..... This Thanksgiving, I did some things that I had never done before and it turned out really well....Just about anyway... :) For starters, we moved into a new (roomier) house a week before Thanksgiving (and yes, we are a bit crazy for doing so but, it's been worth it. We aren't completely moved in as we still have odds and ends to box up at the old house (and we have until the first of December to do so.... eeeekkkkksssss!) This is the first time that either Jeff or I have had enough space to have company over during the holiday's have have them stay with us (and also share in the meals all at the same table *kids included*. This was also Lex's first Thanksgiving. He is now every vocal and all smiles (98% of the time) and almost sleeping thru the night (still waking up around 3 or 4 am... yawn!) What gets me is that he will sleep for maybe 15 - 20 minutes at a time during the day so, it makes it more of a challenge to get anything done. Jeff does help out a great deal tho. He isn't afraid to change dirty diapers or do bottle feedings (thank you, Lord for bottles!). This was my first time to fix a Thanksgiving meal (or two) and, needless to say, I'm very thankful for the crock pot! Fixed turkey for the main meal on Thanksgiving day and then ham yesterday.... Both turned out delish! The big challenge for me was getting the side dishes done... Ha! Over all, it's been a good holiday and my prayer is that each of you had a great one as well..... More to follow.....

A few weeks of challenges and changes.

The last *almost* 4 weeks have been full of adjustments, challenges, and changes but it all works out for the best. I can now testify that life with 3 children (under the age of 8) can be a challenge at time and I have a new appreciation for parents of 3 or more who are much younger than my 3. There has been only one time (so far) that proved to be taxing for me. L woke up for a 4AM feeding and each feeding time usually takes about an hour to get him filled up, burped, and changed. Just when I was about to get him down, J wakes up crying due to a nightmare. Once I get J settled down and back in his bed, R wants to get up (and the sun isn't even up yet!). I pointed this useful information to R and she slowly went back to her own room (even though I'm sure she probably didn't go back to sleep). This gave me about an hour of sleep before getting R ready for school. Needless to say, I was almost in tears because of being so tired. If you were wondering where Jeff was during this whole time, he was asleep *and for good reason* on Sunday and Tuesday nights, he is at the county jail and doesn't get home until 10:30 or 11 PM and then has to take about an hour and a half or so just to unwind. Also, he has to put in a certain amount of hours at the prison and he goes on the first and third Thursday of each month in the evenings (which puts him getting in much later than 10:30 PM). I am thankful that Jeff is able to do what he loves doing. He is able to walk to school with R every morning (unless he's had a really long evening at the jail or prison and completely worn out). We've also worked it out that I tend to L at night and Jeff tends to him (and the other 2) in the afternoons so that I can try to get a little catch up on sleep. Speaking of sleep.... J has now been passy free for a solid two weeks now! :) The first 24 hours were tough! J wouldn't/couldn't sleep during naptime or at night so, while one of us was getting up and dealing with L, the other was getting up and dealing with J. I thought we would have more than just the first 24 hours to deal with in J's lack of sleep but, Jeff sat down with him and they talked about how baby's (like L) needed passy's sometimes but that J was a big boy and didn't need to suck on something all night/ every night. After that little talk, J didn't ask for a passy and there has been only one time that he tried to sneak one of L's passy's (conveniently) onto his bed for later use (but then brought it back when L started getting fussy and his bottle wasn't ready yet). And yes, I'm a proud momma! More to follow....

Welcoming a blessing and dealing with challenges.

As most of you already know, we now have a new addition to our little family. What you may not know is some details of before his arrival and some challenges that came up during labor and delivery. I have to start on Friday, August 31st because that's when things really got busy for us. At about 11:30 pm, we lost power in the house. Usually, we just have to wait a little while and then the power comes back. Not this time. Thankfully, the house retained most of the AC air for most of the night so it wasn't tooo uncomfortable. On Saturday, that was a different story. Gail was coming in and the heat kicked in as well.... A nice 105. Not very comfortable for this very prego momma! Needless to say, all of us ended up getting hotel rooms and G was brave enough to take BOTH R and J that night. By Sunday afternoon, we finally got power back on but had a hot house and ruined food in the fridge. Thankfully, we still had most of the meat in the freezer that was either partially thawing or still frozen.... Yippie!!! We had originally planned to have friends over for some grilled steaks but found that we had a lot more meat to grill so, why not have even more people over for Labor Day and not waste any meat?!?!? So, we were able to have Gail, the McDuffy's, and the Nunnally's over on Labor Day for some good food and fellowship. :) Tuesday, Sept. 4th started very, very early for Jeff and I. Managed to get over to White County Medical Center and start the inducing process a little after 5:30 AM. Things were going pretty good until about 8:30 or so... Lex started showing heart rate problems everytime I would have a contraction (which was every 3 - 4 minutes). His heart rate was typically around 130-140's but would suddenly drop down to 70... and then next contraction, heart rate dropped to 60 and then it would drop down to the 50's. MD and nurses stopped the PICT, had me sitting up, laying back down, turning one side and then the other to see if that would help Lex's heart rate to get normal and stay that way through a contraction... No dice. MD made the decision to do c-section since Lex's heart rate was soo unstable during contractions. Meanwhile, Jeff was pretty much doing a play-by-play via text and facebook of what was going on. When the order came to prep for c-section at 9:30, Jeff put the word out and the response was amazing! Everyone started commenting that prayers were being said for me and for Lex. 10:30 came and went and no open room in the OR. Lex's heart rate started to stabilize and not dip down in to the 50's. I was at a 10 and starting to throw up so, Dr. Citty gave the order to have me push up to when Lex was about to crown. Once we got to that stage, I had to wait until Dr. Citty got in the room. Funny thing is, just when he got there and was set up, I started throwing up again (at least I was able to warn them a little in advance)... Dr. Citty's nurse was telling me... "Wait! Wait! Don't throw up yet! Wait!" to which Dr. Citty (half chuckling) "Can't really tell her to wait..." This is one of the reasons why I like Dr. Kris Citty so much. He was very calm, almost laid back in amongst all the craziness. Once the throw up session was over, I had a couple of more pushes and Lex was born at 12:01 PM. I almost held my breath, waiting for that first cry. Scared that there had been some damage to his heart after being under so much stress during labor. Thankfully, the cry came and a collective sigh of relief from everyone in the room (I think). There was an older couple who stayed the whole duration. Mr. and Mrs. John Wilkins (Jeff worked with him at Mount Hutchison Church of Christ several years ago and fills him for him when they are out of town). So thankful that they were there as well as the Krehs at various times. Also sooo thankful for all the prayers that went up for me and for Lex (and for Jeff) when things got so crazy. Prayer is one of the strongest medicines that most people can't explain. I am also extremely thankful for Jeff. The last month of this pregnancy was tough (emotionally, mentally, and physically). I couldn't help but think about the differences between this time around and the situation I was forced to be in when James was born. MAJOR difference! With J's birth, I was thankful for the prayers of my spiritual family and thankful that K and G were able to be there when J was born but it still left a HUGE, gaping hole because Donovan wasn't there to see his son being born. Even now, it hurts that Donovan has missed soo much of J's development over the last 3 1/2 years and yet sooo thankful that Jeff has taken on fatherhood 100% in helping shape both R and J into the young people that they will become and that their Dad loves them just as much as he does his own flesh and blood. I'm also thankful for God granting us this little blessing. After Donovan died and J had outgrown all of his infant stuff, I just "knew" that it would be the 3 of us (R, J, and myself) from here on out. I gave all of R's and J's baby stuff away to other's who had little ones (even tho it kinda hurt to see them experience that joy and "know" that I would never have that chance again. Little did I know that God was going to be blessing me far above what I could dream up. Donovan and I had always planned to have at least 3 children. When he died, that dream got shattered. When Jeff and I were dating, the talk of children (of course) came up. We both realized that we both wanted more children (Lord willing) so, when we found out that we were expecting, both of us were on cloud 9. After nine long, mostly difficult months, Lex is finally here and we are blessed. R and J love and care (and in J's case), protective of their little brother.... Blessed! More to follow......

Moving up in grades

It's that time of year again! School is now in session and we've got one excited little girl and one (slightly) jealous little boy who now claims that "I go to High School". We are doing something different this year. Jeff is walking R to and from school. The only times that probably won't happen are the mornings that he's been at either the jail or the prison late (which is typically around 10). He can't just come home and then go straight to sleep. There's a lot of emotional turmoil that those guys need to get off their chest and I'm thankful that they feel safe enough to talk to Jeff about anything. Just don't like it when he has to give a death notice to an inmate. I'm thankful that Jeff is able to do what he loves to do and he's good at it. There is a price to pay in working with (and helping) others who have hit rock bottom. I think R is happy about being back at school. She already knows several of the other kids who are in her class (which is always helpful) and the great staff that are more than willing to help her get caught up with her classmates. For the last two days, she has talked almost non-stop in letting us know about her teacher, the rules, what she did in class, etc. We also got her testing results of where she stands academically. Let's just say that we've got A LOT of work to do this school year but, she's willing and eager to try her best and get down whatever it is that's placed in front of her and I couldn't be more tickled about that. Today, she saw the school counselor (which she started to do about the middle of the year last school year) and I think that has helped her work through some of the emotional stuff that she's still trying to figure out in her own mind. I think Jeff has been a big help in that area as well in that she's really opened up with him over the summer and that's given her confidence about our family and knowing that there's solid stability again. My hat goes off to those who are single and trying to raise their child(ren) on their own. It's very tough to do and especially difficult when you throw in the death of a spouse. So far, things have started off great and I look forward to new accomplishments with both children this school year. Thankfully, J will be in Carpenter's Kids which is run by College Church of Christ. He'll be able to be around other kids his age twice a week for half a day. This will definitely help me out once Baby Lex gets here. :) More to follow.....