The last couple of days have been pretty busy for us.
On Wednesday, I took R back in for some neurotherapy. Her teacher(s) had put a note that R was having a very difficult time in staying focused (even in small groups) and I knew that it was now time to get over the hurdle of getting her back on focus. At first, she told me that she didn't want to play a video game (which is what she does and her mind controls the game and gets everything back into focus). The technology is now to the point that they can go as low as .001 (which is what most children can function at) and help them with their attention difficulties.
R also really surprised everyone. She sat in the chair by herself for the first time. All the staff could say was "WOW!!". I knew that the old fears/stress that she had had at the old house were now (pretty much) gone. She hasn't had any panic attacks at night and gets a much better sleep and happier.
Thursday night, we went back to GriefWorks (which R really enjoys) and they did a session about different feelings/emotions that we all deal with a different times and at different levels. R also got to meet some new kids that had lost their mom a few months ago. In our group, it was a kind of meet and greet type of setting. Several had lost their husbands, one lady had lost her daughter, and a gentleman had lost his wife. Needless to say, just about all of them were emotionally raw. There was also a girl (age 23) who had lost her mom 2 months ago to cancer and she has 4 younger siblings. Up until the loss of her mom, her dad had pretty much kept out of the picture but now (thankfully) he's stepping up and taking responsibility (slowly). She had a lot of questions as to if the things that she was feeling were normal or not (which they were) and a general question came about the holidays and how we each prepare for those holidays.
To be honest, the thought of the coming holidays is a bit depressing for me. I also know that this is good time for us to start some traditions of our own and make them as good and happy as any. So, onwards and upwards!
More to follow......
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Paperwork
Have you ever had one of those feeling like you wish you could have a magic wand and it would do everything that you didn't want to do yourself. This morning, I did.
This morning, I managed to stay for about 30 minutes at the old house and started going through papers that were stashed here and there in the back room. Granted, if I had been a better housekeeper, there probably wouldn't have been stashed but, at least it was all mainly in the back corner (also the same room that I found Donovan in and yes, he was still alive when I found him).
Anywho, we had a file cabinet back there as well as a bookshelf with books and papers. There were also (I discovered) Donovan's stash of Birthday, valentines, holidays, or "just because" cards and notes that he saved. Needless to say, it wasn't easy going through those but, I didn't get teary-eyed.
What got me was a box that I found from a "secret Sis" that I had back when I was at Freed. In that box was a card and on the front were the words "The Lord Bless You and Keep You, May His Face Shine On You". Those words rang true then and they ring loud and clear now. That's when I got teary-eyed. Many times, it gets so easy to get bogged down with everything that we forget to look up and remember that His face is shining down on us.
More to follow.....
This morning, I managed to stay for about 30 minutes at the old house and started going through papers that were stashed here and there in the back room. Granted, if I had been a better housekeeper, there probably wouldn't have been stashed but, at least it was all mainly in the back corner (also the same room that I found Donovan in and yes, he was still alive when I found him).
Anywho, we had a file cabinet back there as well as a bookshelf with books and papers. There were also (I discovered) Donovan's stash of Birthday, valentines, holidays, or "just because" cards and notes that he saved. Needless to say, it wasn't easy going through those but, I didn't get teary-eyed.
What got me was a box that I found from a "secret Sis" that I had back when I was at Freed. In that box was a card and on the front were the words "The Lord Bless You and Keep You, May His Face Shine On You". Those words rang true then and they ring loud and clear now. That's when I got teary-eyed. Many times, it gets so easy to get bogged down with everything that we forget to look up and remember that His face is shining down on us.
More to follow.....
Monday, October 11, 2010
Jewelry
Last Friday, I ran across two zip lock bags that were in the back room and under a lot of stuff (at the old house). In them were cases and little boxes that you would see for rings/bracelets, etc.
I didn't have the heart to open them and see so, I took them home and put them in a corner until I could deal with those items. This afternoon, I went through them. There were high school rings, college ring, and things that Donovan probably got when he was either in high school or earlier.
Now, I know that wedding rings care a great deal of significance but, until you have to go through those kinds of things of someone that has been dead for over a year and a half, those little things take on a whole different meaning and significance. I asked G if she wanted anything of his and she said no. So, I'm putting back most of if for R and J (when they are much older).
Of course, this setting aside hurts because it just makes all that more real of what they are missing right now.
I'm not sure if it's jut me or if it's because a bunch of holidays are coming up or if it's just because it's overcast today, but it's hard to shake the blues off sometimes. So, what do you do when you feel yourself getting down? Me? I still have boxes clustered in various corners that are begging to be gone through, put up, and boxes reused for more stuff. In a large way, I am very ready to be done with having to back to the old house and just say "ENOUGH!". I also know that if I don't go through EVERYTHING, I could very well be kicking myself later for not doing so.
R, on the other hand, is starting to show signs of being stressed. Night before last, she woke up in the wee hours of the morning, asked me if it was time to get up and then crawled into bed with me (little sleep on my end since I'm not used to a kicker... Ha!) and then last night, she couldn't settle down to go to sleep so, I had to be in there with her and read my book (Pride and Prejudice to be exact) until she did (which took about 15 minutes). So, I think it's about time to go back into therapy (counseling and neurotherapy).
Gotta go get R from school. At least in that aspect, she's doing better. :)
More to follow......
I didn't have the heart to open them and see so, I took them home and put them in a corner until I could deal with those items. This afternoon, I went through them. There were high school rings, college ring, and things that Donovan probably got when he was either in high school or earlier.
Now, I know that wedding rings care a great deal of significance but, until you have to go through those kinds of things of someone that has been dead for over a year and a half, those little things take on a whole different meaning and significance. I asked G if she wanted anything of his and she said no. So, I'm putting back most of if for R and J (when they are much older).
Of course, this setting aside hurts because it just makes all that more real of what they are missing right now.
I'm not sure if it's jut me or if it's because a bunch of holidays are coming up or if it's just because it's overcast today, but it's hard to shake the blues off sometimes. So, what do you do when you feel yourself getting down? Me? I still have boxes clustered in various corners that are begging to be gone through, put up, and boxes reused for more stuff. In a large way, I am very ready to be done with having to back to the old house and just say "ENOUGH!". I also know that if I don't go through EVERYTHING, I could very well be kicking myself later for not doing so.
R, on the other hand, is starting to show signs of being stressed. Night before last, she woke up in the wee hours of the morning, asked me if it was time to get up and then crawled into bed with me (little sleep on my end since I'm not used to a kicker... Ha!) and then last night, she couldn't settle down to go to sleep so, I had to be in there with her and read my book (Pride and Prejudice to be exact) until she did (which took about 15 minutes). So, I think it's about time to go back into therapy (counseling and neurotherapy).
Gotta go get R from school. At least in that aspect, she's doing better. :)
More to follow......
Friday, October 8, 2010
Pictures and condolences
This morning, I was able to go through some more stuff at the old house, chiefly a box of sympathy cards and some pictures that were stashed on a shelf.
The cards/letters of sympathy had been read long ago (I actually made myself read them as they came in which helped a great deal) and seeing some of them again now has made an even bigger impact than a year ago. The hard part was the pictures that were taken over the last 7 years or so. I managed for about an hour or so and then I could feel myself starting to get heavy-hearted and knew that I needed to get out of the house and do something that I enjoyed.
So, off to an estate sale I go. New house, "new" stuff but at a better price. :) At the sale, there was a guy that was taking his time looking at everything and automatically started up asking general questions and being a very big flirt. All I could managed was a grin there or there and answering his general questions.... I am so out of the loop of these things but, it was a very welcome change to what I had been doing before hand.
Anywho, manged to get out with some pretty good deals and also got a new table and chairs (since the one we had broke - a leg gave out when R was sitting at the table and J was pulling himself up to sit with her). Needless to say, scary incident but, all is well and now we have a very sturdy table (no matter what).
So, over all, a good end to a somewhat difficult morning. I was hoping to get everything done at the old house by this weekend but, don't think that's going to happen quite as quickly as I had hoped *sigh*. Oh well... Baby steps!
More to follow.....
The cards/letters of sympathy had been read long ago (I actually made myself read them as they came in which helped a great deal) and seeing some of them again now has made an even bigger impact than a year ago. The hard part was the pictures that were taken over the last 7 years or so. I managed for about an hour or so and then I could feel myself starting to get heavy-hearted and knew that I needed to get out of the house and do something that I enjoyed.
So, off to an estate sale I go. New house, "new" stuff but at a better price. :) At the sale, there was a guy that was taking his time looking at everything and automatically started up asking general questions and being a very big flirt. All I could managed was a grin there or there and answering his general questions.... I am so out of the loop of these things but, it was a very welcome change to what I had been doing before hand.
Anywho, manged to get out with some pretty good deals and also got a new table and chairs (since the one we had broke - a leg gave out when R was sitting at the table and J was pulling himself up to sit with her). Needless to say, scary incident but, all is well and now we have a very sturdy table (no matter what).
So, over all, a good end to a somewhat difficult morning. I was hoping to get everything done at the old house by this weekend but, don't think that's going to happen quite as quickly as I had hoped *sigh*. Oh well... Baby steps!
More to follow.....
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Getting ready
I'm just about done with getting everything moved from one house to our home and this week is going to be tough.
One last chance to box anything up that I won't regret NOT getting later for my benefit (or the kids). I've pretty much gotten to the point that it's almost like pulling teeth just to go over there and stay for several hours to continue boxing things up. R has no interest of going back over there either. If she thinks of something that she forgot to put in her box, she'll ask me to go over there and get it for her. When I ask her if she wants to go with me and get it, it's always a resounding NO.
We've been at the new house for two weeks now and she hasn't had any panic attacks at night. There have been two times that she wanted me to be in her room with her until she fell asleep. Even then, she was sound asleep with 5 minutes. The first instance was after a really bad thunderstorm (which knocked the power out for a few minutes) and the other was because she was overtired and hot. She also doesn't have to have the overhead light on - just a little lamp. J, on the other hand, hasn't had any problems in the transition. It's the same routine for him and as long as he has his blanket, sound maker (lights up with lullaby music), and passy's - then he's set.
I'm hoping to get everything done so that I can do an estate sale by next weekend. I'm not going to do it myself for the simple fact that I don't think I could handle watching everything of my past life be taken out the door by strangers.
More to follow.....
One last chance to box anything up that I won't regret NOT getting later for my benefit (or the kids). I've pretty much gotten to the point that it's almost like pulling teeth just to go over there and stay for several hours to continue boxing things up. R has no interest of going back over there either. If she thinks of something that she forgot to put in her box, she'll ask me to go over there and get it for her. When I ask her if she wants to go with me and get it, it's always a resounding NO.
We've been at the new house for two weeks now and she hasn't had any panic attacks at night. There have been two times that she wanted me to be in her room with her until she fell asleep. Even then, she was sound asleep with 5 minutes. The first instance was after a really bad thunderstorm (which knocked the power out for a few minutes) and the other was because she was overtired and hot. She also doesn't have to have the overhead light on - just a little lamp. J, on the other hand, hasn't had any problems in the transition. It's the same routine for him and as long as he has his blanket, sound maker (lights up with lullaby music), and passy's - then he's set.
I'm hoping to get everything done so that I can do an estate sale by next weekend. I'm not going to do it myself for the simple fact that I don't think I could handle watching everything of my past life be taken out the door by strangers.
More to follow.....
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Not out of the emotional woods yet...
Yesterday, R came home in a bad mood and seemed very angry about everything. I later found out why.
She didn't want to do her homework but finally did so anyway. She also didn't want to take a bath... She finally did so but not without telling me that she wanted a new mommy... During said bath, I noticed that her other front tooth was bleeding a little bit and told her to go ahead and try to pull it out. She (of course) protested this and after a lot of deliberation and tears, tried. I asked her if she wanted me to help her and (in the midst of a lot of tears) said that she wanted her Daddy back. She then stared asking questions (again) as to "Is he in heaven?" and "Why did he die?".
We've had this kind of talk many times before but it's always (seemingly) out of the blue and she is usually in a bad mood before these talks take place (so at least I get a bit of a warning beforehand). She knows the facts but just needed (I guess) confirmation and then she went on to eating supper and then getting ready for Bible class and I'm thankful that God made little minds to operate on short attention spans.
This also taught me about handling my own emotions in that we as adults often get something in our heads and then we just dwell on it and forget to just let things go and let God deal with it in His own time.
More to follow.....
She didn't want to do her homework but finally did so anyway. She also didn't want to take a bath... She finally did so but not without telling me that she wanted a new mommy... During said bath, I noticed that her other front tooth was bleeding a little bit and told her to go ahead and try to pull it out. She (of course) protested this and after a lot of deliberation and tears, tried. I asked her if she wanted me to help her and (in the midst of a lot of tears) said that she wanted her Daddy back. She then stared asking questions (again) as to "Is he in heaven?" and "Why did he die?".
We've had this kind of talk many times before but it's always (seemingly) out of the blue and she is usually in a bad mood before these talks take place (so at least I get a bit of a warning beforehand). She knows the facts but just needed (I guess) confirmation and then she went on to eating supper and then getting ready for Bible class and I'm thankful that God made little minds to operate on short attention spans.
This also taught me about handling my own emotions in that we as adults often get something in our heads and then we just dwell on it and forget to just let things go and let God deal with it in His own time.
More to follow.....
Monday, September 27, 2010
Doing a little catch up!
Ok... Unfortunately, it's been a while since I've been able to "write" and of course I'm starting to get to the point that I have to "put things down" so that I can get a good night's sleep! Ha!
First of all, I have to say a BIG, HUGE thank you to K and G! They helped me in so many ways to get the new house to the point of moving into. Granted, this wasn't exactly what I had in mind as far a moving is concerned but, when God opens a door, you don't just stand there and debate about what you should do... You just go with it and pray like crazy while your going through the steps. I will say that this whole new experience has taught me a great deal and I'm going to try not to put it all in one go (it would be lengthy at best!)
K and G worked at getting the new house as ready to move in as possible and were there to help me realize what all that entails (which can be a hassle). The house was obtained through foreclosure and (as you can probably imagine) had some work on it that needed to be done (and very difficult to do when you have a 19 month old who may *or may not* take a 30 - 45 min nap in the mornings and then a longer one *fingers crossed* in the afternoon. It also helps when you know people who can refer you to others who are very good at their trade and *mostly* dependable.
So, with everything done I finally put the word out at Centerville that I would need help in moving furniture from the old house to the new one (which was about 4 streets down) on Saturday 18th at about 8 am. Most people were suprised that I said for ONLY furniture (and even then, a very small amount of it). At a little before 8, one person showed up (way before K and G did!). Then, it seemed that lots of people just magically showed up (I'm guessing about 12 - 15 guys and 2 ladies *one at one house and one at the other and myself inbetween*. They guys were able to load everything on one large trailer (and maybe a pickup truck or two) and the whole thing was completed in about 2 and a half hours. Talk about dumbfounded!
At one point, while the men were talking/ joking around with each other, tears started to form but, they weren't sad tears but just by being shown (once again) what the church is all about (in action!). The sheer willingness of these guys to give up a perfect Saturday morning and some sleep in time still humbles me and I will forever be grateful to them.
By the end of the day, I as able to get all of our bedding out and on to get to sleep and I was flying high to say the least. R was able to spend the previous night at a friend from church's house (which she was ecstatic about) and promptly informed me that Tara HAD to spend the night at her new house soon. J was able to spend that morning with another family so a BIG thank you to them as well.... So blessed!
More to follow.....
First of all, I have to say a BIG, HUGE thank you to K and G! They helped me in so many ways to get the new house to the point of moving into. Granted, this wasn't exactly what I had in mind as far a moving is concerned but, when God opens a door, you don't just stand there and debate about what you should do... You just go with it and pray like crazy while your going through the steps. I will say that this whole new experience has taught me a great deal and I'm going to try not to put it all in one go (it would be lengthy at best!)
K and G worked at getting the new house as ready to move in as possible and were there to help me realize what all that entails (which can be a hassle). The house was obtained through foreclosure and (as you can probably imagine) had some work on it that needed to be done (and very difficult to do when you have a 19 month old who may *or may not* take a 30 - 45 min nap in the mornings and then a longer one *fingers crossed* in the afternoon. It also helps when you know people who can refer you to others who are very good at their trade and *mostly* dependable.
So, with everything done I finally put the word out at Centerville that I would need help in moving furniture from the old house to the new one (which was about 4 streets down) on Saturday 18th at about 8 am. Most people were suprised that I said for ONLY furniture (and even then, a very small amount of it). At a little before 8, one person showed up (way before K and G did!). Then, it seemed that lots of people just magically showed up (I'm guessing about 12 - 15 guys and 2 ladies *one at one house and one at the other and myself inbetween*. They guys were able to load everything on one large trailer (and maybe a pickup truck or two) and the whole thing was completed in about 2 and a half hours. Talk about dumbfounded!
At one point, while the men were talking/ joking around with each other, tears started to form but, they weren't sad tears but just by being shown (once again) what the church is all about (in action!). The sheer willingness of these guys to give up a perfect Saturday morning and some sleep in time still humbles me and I will forever be grateful to them.
By the end of the day, I as able to get all of our bedding out and on to get to sleep and I was flying high to say the least. R was able to spend the previous night at a friend from church's house (which she was ecstatic about) and promptly informed me that Tara HAD to spend the night at her new house soon. J was able to spend that morning with another family so a BIG thank you to them as well.... So blessed!
More to follow.....
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